Blamer, placater, computer and distractor have one thing in common: Depending on the context where they meet they can really escalate a communication situation… that’s why Rolf gave you the 4 Satir types for reflection and observation last week. But before we start to talk about escalation I would like to
Welcome you to the Emotional Connectivity Podcast of Talent Management Academy!
Do you know that? In the meeting your boss is sitting there and first of all, a smell of aftershave that is far too overdosed in your opinion is crawling up your nose. Preferably, you would like to promptly open the window, but before you can do so, your boss says in front of all the others sitting at the table: “You would better take S. as a role model because he always summarizes the essential in his presentation.” You immediately recognize that you are going to fly into a rage and the feelings that are overwhelming you make you jump up from your seat and– with a bright red face – run out of the room, of course by slamming the door. After all what stays back is the feeling that you did not have the control in that situation and you would be now the fool providing food for gossip among the colleagues.
In some situations we behave as if our “red button” were pushed. And it only works when existing. From a distance it is helpful to make us aware again of the experience. Maybe there is the idea of asking you “why did I jump at it in this way?” “What’s the reason behind?“ Take your time for reflection and feel what kind of emotions erupted at that moment. Was it anger, fear or shame? Just consciously perceive the emotional trigger and the related somatic response. By making you aware you may better succeed in classifying and understanding emotions, so that you can better handle them next time.
Perhaps this situation brings you the question in how far you do have the right job. You know in the meantime what change of perspective can provoke and as an adult you are of course able to re-orientate yourself in your career. It’s all about DECISION MAKING! With this attitude you are going to feel immediately better because finally you realize that you want to be in the driver’s seat… more than ever…
In conclusion the red button only works because it reminds you of a negative experience from the past. You wish to be free in choosing your behavioral response, so that the interval between stimulus = boss who pushed the red button and your response = running out of the room by slamming the door become longer. You can learn how to handle it by reflecting how this is related to you. In a second step you can identify and name the hidden emotions that helps for processing. Last but not least you can actively make positive experiences and make better use of managing your emotions. And that’s exactly when the distractor enters into the picture asking the question “are there any cookies left?”– isn’t it very funny to imagine yourself in that role of distractor in front of your boss?!
Just try and have fun!
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